Learning how to be a good husband is something Pastor Jay tackled while we were studying the book of Ephesians during our weekend services.
When we look at Ephesians 5:25-32 it starts out with a simple “Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.” So the big question is “HOW? How can you be a good husband and love your wife the way Christ loved the church?”
There are 5 things that will help you be a good husband and love your wife the way Christ loved the church.
1. Know what love really is.
Sometimes men define love as acts of service. For example, working, fixing things, helping with the kids and maybe even doing the dishes once in a while. But God defines love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. He says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
2. Be filled with the Spirit.
The next part of Ephesians 5 says “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Of all the examples for us to follow, Paul picked the one we cannot replicate, Christ! We are incapable of it on our own, it’s only possible if we are filled with the Spirit. It’s a day-by-day, prayer-by-prayer thing – asking Him to be your influence.
3. Surrender to God.
The end of Ephesians 5:25 says “Knowing what love is and being filled with the Spirit, Christ gave Himself up for the Church.” He willingly handed Himself over in full surrender and then allowed Himself to be killed in our place. Surrender involves two things – submission and sacrifice. Submission is willingly choosing to follow God’s plan. And Sacrifice is fully giving one’s self for the cause.
So what does that look like in marriage? You might have to give up the right to be right, your wants, or maybe the right to pursue what’s best for you if it doesn’t line up with what’s best for your family.
4. Live with her in an understanding way.
1 Peter 3:7 says “Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of live, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” It doesn’t command the husband to understand his wife, but to live with her in an understanding way. It means to know her – to put in the time and effort to learn her.
5. Provide a covering for her.
This is all about spiritual authority. Christ is the head and is calling you, husband, to submit to His authority. And He has given you the role of spiritual authority over your home. Christ has required the wife to submit to their husbands because He is holding the husband accountable for how he leads. And he can’t lead properly if the wife is not willing to submit.
But the problem is that most husbands want their wives to submit to them, but are not willing to submit to Christ’s mandate to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. We are selfish, we want the benefits of leadership but not the responsibility of it! That is not being a Godly man or a Godly husband.